G is for Gigs
Most
of them are brilliant. Like this one in Tuscany:-
I
have sung at many, many weddings before – but this has to be a once in a
lifetime experience! I sang in the setting sun in the gardens of a
hilltop villa in Tuscany, with rolling vineyards and olive trees as a backdrop.
A massive achievement for me. More
details under ‘T’ is for Titan and Tuscany!
Then
there are the funny gigs:-
It
was a comedy and music gig (stand-up comedy and sit down music). Great
audience. Evening going really well. Fortunately I was standing up
and talking, and not sitting down and singing/playing piano.
I heard a little ‘pop’ and then my
microphone died and I noticed that the lights on my stage piano had gone
out. My bloke, who was operating the PA desk, and I exchanged a ‘rabbit
in headlights’ glance. I was about to finish the observational humour
story I was doing at the time, and then approach the piano for a silly song.
This was obviously not going to
happen. So I did some more spoken comedy to ‘fill’. Fortunately it
was a village hall and my voice is capable of being heard without
amplification.
Meanwhile, after a bit of looking at gear
and leads and checking things and thinking, my bloke assumed that our power
distribution board had blown a fuse. No problem. We carry spares of
everything – and (don’t be rude) verbal fluency has never been a problem for
me!
So I was, thankfully, still making people
chuckle. Out of the corner of my eye, I was aware of someone from the
village hall having a quick chat with my chap, and then scuttling off ‘back
stage’.
So the power came back on and I was able
to approach the piano, do some singing, and do some more ‘stand up’ and then
finish the gig with a rendition of Victoria Wood’s ‘Let’s Do It’.
I was then able to find out what went on
when I was ‘filling’:-
John:
Frantically replacing power supply and changing our extension lead.
Village
Hall Person: ‘Um. I’ll check the meter’.
John:
‘The meter?’
Village
Hall Person: ‘The slot meter for electrics. I think it needs another 50p’
Oh
you gotta laugh. Rock n’ Roll eh?
And
then there are the Gigs From Hell.
Memorable but, fortunately, rare:-
Had
a typical ‘musicians – oh we hadn’t thought about them’ type gig with the
comedy trio.
A marquee – deep joy! Admittedly it
was a fundraising evening but they kept selling more and more tickets.
This meant they created more and more tables. This meant that with
each extra table for ten, our stage area got smaller. We ended up with a
tiny stage area, with the bit where I would normally put my piano stool
completely missing! Very scary evening for me and a big test of my 'available
space' improvisation skills.
Anyway, as part of our contract we request
food, and somewhere to change, and three chairs backstage where we can sit when
not on stage. Backstage was actually outside the marquee
behind the flap that was behind the – um – stage. The changing area was a
recently mucked out horse trailer parked behind (i.e. outside) the marquee and
the three chairs were outside the horse trailer which was, of course, outside
the marquee. Funnily enough, it was freezing cold and it was raining.
We were ‘after dinner’ which would be 9pm.
We already knew that that wouldn’t happen (we’ve all done after dinner
gigs haven’t we?!) We went on at 10pm. They had an auction of
promises and had enlisted the services of a professional auctioneer. He’d brought his own mini P.A system but, of course, there was nowhere to put it
(because the stage had shrunk so much!). Could he use our P.A? (oh deja
flipping vu).
The auction was after we had
finished. Say no more, apart from the fact that there were 16 items to
auction in a marquee crammed full of 300 plus wealthy people with bank balances
that allowed a certain degree of one-upmanship!
Occasionally, very occasionally, I
fantasise about getting a job filling shelves in a supermarket. This was one of them.
Second
One:-
So
I was booked for a one hour after dinner cabaret. As I had done a similar
gig for the guy that booked me for this gig (for his village hall) for £120,
and assuming that it was a one hour
cabaret after dinner, I naturally quoted the same price.
Turns out it is a black tie (wasn’t told
that) fundraising evening for the Rotarians.
It’s in a marquee (wasn’t told that either
– and I’m getting too old for marquee gigs in November).
It’s 7pm for 7.30pm – so we’ve obviously
got to arrive, set up and sound check, before any guests arrive (they don’t get
that one, do they?)
Left home at 5pm (having loaded the car
first – they don’t get that either!). Longish drive to Cotswolds gig.
Set up and sound check before guests arrive at 7pm. Discovered
during the sound check (fortunately) that the turbo charged heater for the
marquee kept blowing my music off my stand. This is why musicians carry
clothes pegs in their ‘other stuff’ gig bag!
Then
jolly posh head-of-everything in penguin suit asked if he could use our P.A.
system for speeches (wasn’t told about speeches!). This proved more
complicated than it sounds. Can they just use our on stage microphone as
well for speeches? Yeah – no problem. Well it seems that one of the
speeches comes with a video presentation. The screen is not close to the
stage. So we have to move one of our speakers close to the screen – and a
mic stand and mic – oh and an extension lead for the mic. Sorted. No
– not sorted. One of the presentations (the one that needs the screen)
has her presentation on a laptop. She had assumed that there would be a
P.A. system that she could play her laptop through. You must realise
where this is going?
Fortunately, as I do speaking, and also
singing at the piano (for comedy cabaret gigs), I have two mic stands. So
in addition to the mic and mic stand that’s already in place (not near my
stage), there is now my other mic (with another extension lead) ready to point
at the laptop for the presentation.
Dinner was running late, of course
(performers will understand the irony and deja vu feeling) BUT we were going to
be properly fed – and this is good. What clients don’t always realise is
that we would really rather be in a dingy corner on our own eating our dinner.
Not so on this occasion. We were at the ‘top table’ and had to
endure the most boring people possible for a very long time.
Then came the two TWO (hadn’t been told
that) long speeches and powerpoint presentations by the recipients of the money
from the fund raising year.
Then we had to re-assemble our equipment
so that I can do my after dinner entertainment. As everything was running
late (what a surprise) and they still had the raffle (aaaaaaargh) to go – and
the Casino thing – could I just do 45 mins instead of an hour?. This is
good news. The bad news is that I had to be funny, and half the audience
(and me) had lost the will to live.
Then it’s de-rigging the gear and loading
the car (slightly hampered by semi pissed audience). Then long drive
home. Midnight 30 when we got home. So that’s almost an 8 hour
shift. £120 for 8 hours. You work out the maths!
And one of the penquins asked me what my
‘proper’ job was. Grrrrr.