Sunday, 26 May 2013

H is for How The Other Half Live

H is for How the other half live

What a fabulous gig.  Very posh venue.  Hampton Manor, Hampton in Arden, near Solihull.  I was the after dinner entertainment for a Supper Club.  I’d already noticed lots of personalised number plates on very posh cars and 4x4s in the car park.  I thought ‘ah yes, this is the Beverly Hills of Birmingham’. Panicked a bit when I walked into reception and saw loads of black ties and ball gowns.  I was smartly dressed – but not for a black tie ‘do’.  A charming man opened the door for me and said ‘Are you here for the Marie Curie fundraising dinner?’  Relief!  I told him that I was entertaining the Lapworth Supper Group.  He indicated the location of the private dining room.  This involved going through the main reception area.  As I turned the corner, I came face to face with Torvill and Dean. Bloody Torvill and Dean!!  I resisted the temptation to be a sad git and managed a restrained (well not that restrained) ‘Oh Gosh!’ – and kept going!
     Dinner was one of those arty farty meals with drizzles of this and that in a small artistic pile in the middle of a fancy shaped large white plate.  It WAS delicious, but I couldn’t help thinking that I might need a couple of crumpets with marmite and cheese when I got home.
     As I’m not into puddings, I nipped out for a quick cig during the arrival of the small but beautifully formed Crème Brulee. Parked right in front of the entrance (and blocking quite a few relatively normal vehicles) was the biggest, most beautiful, most silver, Rolls Royce.  I do love cars and was frightened that I might dribble on it during my intimate perusal.
     Gig was lovely. Audience great fun.  I thought they might be one of those ‘too posh to laugh’ types.  They weren’t! 
     By the time I was loading up the car, four chauffeur-driven vehicles had arrived. A Daimler, two Bentleys, and another Rolls Royce.  Before I left, I couldn’t resist approaching the chauffeur of the black Daimler – parked nearest to my car.  He wound down the window (did you know that Daimler windows wind down with absolutely no noise at all?!) and a very well-spoken man (yes he had a chauffeur hat on) said ‘Oh I’m sorry, have I blocked you in?’  I said ‘No, not at all.  I just wanted to apologise for the fact that my Peugeot 406 estate is making your car look a little tatty’.  We both laughed.

Oh how the other half live!
Was I jealous? 
Honestly, hand on heart, I say ‘No’.

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